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I really am very sorry about adding so many posts at the last minute. I had pieces of dread in various technological and physical locations and was only just now able to unite them (with the exception of final photographs, which had been camera-napped but will hopefully make it on this blog). The reason for the wide dispersion of work is that the dread comes unannounced very often and I made a point of documenting its appearance no matter where I was. (I have work on the dread's departure as well, but it will not be ready for quite some time.) I, perhaps, mislabeled a few of my pieces, since the #1 temporary dread remedy is, in fact, writing about dread. My project became a study not only of the feeling and how to interpret and represent it, but also how to counteract it through interpretation and representation. The project started when I began trying to think of a theme for our first poam assignment. I wanted to pick something personal, but mysterious so I would have a lot of very important questions to ask about it. I ended up picking the dread because it wouldn't leave me alone and I thought that while I was being dreadful I could at least explore the sources and consequences of the feeling. I began with lists (in the first dreadpost) of specific things that reminded me of dread, caused me to feel dread, or helped get rid of my dread. A few of them were highly specific and therefore not very accessible, but I started noticing sentences or images or whole stories that would remind me of the same feeling and I began to try and keep track of them. I felt obnoxious as it was posting ten entries in a row, so I chose a few of my favorite images and a short story. The work of my own that I included ranges from pieces written directly about dread, to pieces written while experiencing the dread, to pieces written about things that I think cause the dread. Some of them are more highly developed and edited than others, which are simply thoughts. I am excited to go back on this blog after I finish this last post to see if the pieces are at all related to one another or have any unifying images. The stomach and the teeth seemed present in a lot of my writings about dread, which lead me to begin transferring my written work into a highly textured 3-d form with the help of many bags of steel wool. Steel wool seemed a good material with which to construct dread because it was ugly but could be made into something more pleasing to look at (in my opinion). It also seems to be the right texture of dread and can easily be manipulate into different forms that can fit into all of the places where dread is found.For my first structural idea, and the one I brought in to present, I chose the somewhat obvious image of the stomach. Dread is felt most prominently in the stomach. Often it is present in what feels like small balls of varying textures and numbers within the stomach. I made the stomach model the largest because I wanted it to have a presence, like the feeling does. I then began to explore what the inside of the steel wool stomach might look like. I mapped out a few possibilities with materials such as dirt, glass, fur, more steel wool, bronze wool, and clay. The feeling is never quite the same, depending on the source of dread, the time of day, the amount of food consumed previous to and after development of dread, phone calls made, projects assigned/due, run-ins on the street, glasses of water processed and endless other factors. I realize that upon reading the poems, if you ever get through all of this and make it down there, they might not seem to be depicting the same thing or even the same type of thing. I was very lax with my self-regulation in terms of what to consider applicable and what not. This project, as unfinished and fresh as it is, has helped me learn to slowly love the dread, or at least appreciate it as a character in my life. It is a constant source of dependable companionship that I will continue to get to know in the months and years to come. If this is extremely long when the margins get significantly thicker I, for the 4th or 5th time, apologize for taking up so much space. I hope some of this is at least fun to read.
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